Destress the Damsel

My wife is a hooker,
Of this she’s mighty proud,
And the stories of her exploits,
Are legends in our town.
She’s shameless with her talents,
She’ll go hooking anywhere,
And if people want to watch her,
She really doesn’t care.
It seems to be a family thing,
Her mother taught her how.
Seems her grandma was a hooker,
and my daughter’s hooking now.
She goes to Hookers’ meetings,
to learn the new techniques.
She starts hooking in a frenzy,
and won’t talk to me for weeks.
She doesn’t do the housework,
She doesn’t make the beds,
No she doesn’t have time for that,
She’d rather hook instead.
My wife, she is a hooker,
and I curse that awful day,
when she first picked up the hook and yarn,
and learned how to crochet!!

– Unknown

Until I read this surprising poem, I never thought the word “hooker” might be used to describe a respectable woman. I certainly would have believed “Christian hooker” to be an oxymoron of the highest degree! However, in the wonderful world of needlework, anyone can “hook” to their heart’s content with no harm done (except perhaps to the pocketbook). Crocheting is a delightful hobby, and as the poem portrays, highly addictive!

Many girls are taught the art of crochet by their mother, grandmother, aunt, or another elder woman. As for me, I was taught at the age of fourteen by my dear friend, Laney, who was thirteen at the time. You would think my friend was born with a crochet hook in her hand, for she could whip up a first-rate project faster than most women who had practiced for decades. Under her watchful eye, I learned how to chain, single crochet, double crochet, etc. She taught me a skill that has been close to my heart ever since, even during times where projects lay untouched for months due to the time restraints of adult life. I will always be thankful for her patient guidance.

A few months ago, after quite a long reprieve, I got the itch to get back into my yarn stash and begin a new project. It sent our family on a hooking frenzy…from the eldest to the youngest. Anyone who knows my detail-oriented husband will not be surprised to hear that he does beautiful work! Our ten and eleven year old have caught on with lightning-speed as well. With this crochet fever running rampant in our home, I find myself impelled to seek spiritual truths from the crochet basket.

The first thing to be mindful of in both crochet and Christianity is your…

And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. – Colossians 3:14

The first letter in our acrostic is simple to remember…the very stitch itself! Every crocheter knows that without stitches, a project is irrelevant. In fact, without stitches, there can be no project at all! We can buy all the yarn, hooks, and accessories that money can buy; but until the stitches come together under the creative hand of the crocheter, we have nothing more than a wasted pile of potential. It is through the joining of many stitches that a useful, completed project of beauty can be attained.

The same is true of Christians. The Creator of mankind can only make a project of us when we submit under His hand and join forces with other stitches of His grand tapestry. When we bind ourselves together with other Christians, the opportunities are endless! We the church, can only fulfill His plan for our lives when we are held together by the perfect bond of Christ’s love.

The second thing to be mindful of in both crochet and Christianity is your…

Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.
– Philippians 4:5

One important trait of a skilled crocheter is the ability to control tension. This simply means that their stitches are consistent and balanced throughout…not too tight, and not too loose. Make your stitches too tight, and you will have a stiff creation with no give, one that’s very difficult to work with. Make your stitches too loose, and you will have a floppy mess with no definition. A happy medium is key.

The same is true of Christians. We are neither to be too legalistic, nor too liberal. Our Savior rebuked those Pharisees who bound areas meant to be loosed…and likewise, He admonished sinners who loosed areas meant to be bound. In order to prevent veering left or right, we should strive to be a people who follow scripture – not opinions. The opinions of a judgmental mind lead to legalism, while the opinions of a wicked mind lead to liberalism. Let us hold the proper tension: not too tight, and not too loose.

The third thing to be mindful of in both crochet and Christianity is your…

He must increase, but I must decrease. – John 3:30

The only way to make a crochet project expand is to increase your stitch count. If I continually crochet 50 stitches per row in a project, it stands to reason that I will produce an article that has 50 stitches per row…the same size throughout. I can not logically expect to broaden my rows unless I increase my stitch count to 51 or more. At the same time, I can not expect my rows to decrease in size unless I decrease my stitch count to 49 or less. If I want a smaller or larger piece, I must plan accordingly.

The same is true of Christians. The Lord will only increase in our life if we make a concerted effort to grow our faith. Likewise, we will not decrease unless we consciously decide to quench our old ways and put sin behind us. We can not forsake our bibles, prayer time, and worship, and yet expect God to be increased in our lives. It’s not logical. Neither can we keep on living any old way and expect our old man to die a natural death…he must be crucified. Nothing will change until we decide to make it happen.

The fourth thing to be mindful of in both crochet and Christianity is your…

You shall not wear a material mixed of wool and linen together.
– Deuteronomy 22:11 (NASB)

Have you ever tried to mix two completely different types of yarn together…differing either by weight or by material? I have, and the result was most unappealing! Whether you try mixing cotton and polyester, polyester and wool, wool and acrylic, or any other manner of combinations…it is very evident to even an untrained eye that something is amiss. Now, a mixture of color is a beautiful thing, but you don’t want to go mixing textiles!

The same is true of Christians. The Old Testament verse cited above may seem to have been an odd and unreasonable law. One might wonder if such a law was really necessary?! Yet, just as with all the Mosaic laws…God was shadowing an important spiritual truth through a physical manifestation. The meaning for New Testament Christians is the importance of purity and unity in the faith. We have the liberty in Christ to express our unique personalities through various arrays of color…but when it comes down to our basic makeup (what we believe about Christ and act out in faithful obedience), we are to be perfectly one and the same as our brother.

The fifth thing to be mindful of in both crochet and Christianity is your…

According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon, For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. – 1 Corinthians 3:10-11

Your chain is the foundation upon which your entire crochet project is built upon. As all crocheters have learned the hard way, to do a shoddy job on the foundation chain is to doom your entire project to inferiority. Even if it takes time to get it right, it’s better to get your chain right the first time than have to unravel rows and rows of stitches because that faulty foundation chain is twisting up your whole project.

The same is true of Christians. It is vital that we lay our foundation after Christ, for as the scripture says…it’s the only acceptable way to build. We can do so much beautiful work…day after day, but our project will be all twisted if we don’t lay the right foundation. It won’t be right with God. Good works are futile unless we are sincerely saved. Save yourself the work of unraveling all your work by getting your faith right from the beginning! If you have any questions on how to be saved, please refer to this article: Buy Four, Get One Free.

The sixth thing to be mindful of in both crochet and Christianity is your…

Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ. – Ephesians 4:13

For our final point, we will consider the hook which we choose for our project. Crochet hooks can vary in size from the B hook at a mere 2.25 mm, all the way up to a U hook at a whopping 25 mm! As you can imagine, these measurements are very important when choosing which hook corresponds to which yarn. A hook that is too large will destroy thin, delicate yarn…and a hook that is too small will be unable to grip a bulky yarn. It’s important to select a Goldilocks hook for every project…the one that is “just right”, of course. A foolproof method is to simply read the directions on your yarn skein (if you remembered to save the wrapper)!

The same is true of Christians. We can try to match our size up with Christ by merely guessing, but that leaves our measurements off every time. When we skip the guesswork and humbly read the directions (God’s word), we will find the measurements to be just right. As the scripture highlights, we need unity with Him and knowledge of Him in order to be linked up to Him. Once the sizing is right, things will be much more smooth sailing until the finalization of your mutual project.

In conclusion…

To be “Hooked on Him”, always be mindful of:

Your Stitch
Your Tension
Your Increase
Your Textile
Your Chain
Your Hook

For, as the old saying goes… “A stitch in time may save nine!”

For God’s Glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

I stepped in something yucky
As I walked by the crick.
I grabbed a stick to scrape it off,
The yuck stuck to my stick.
I tried to pull it off the stick,
The yuck stuck to my hand.
I tried to wash it off – but it
Stuck to the washin’ pan.
I called my dog to pull me loose,
The yuck stuck to his fur.
He rubbed himself against the cat,
The yuck got stuck to her.
My friends and neighbors came to help –
Now all of us are stuck,
Which goes to show what happens
When one person steps in yuck.

“Yuck” by Shel Silverstein

Have you ever “stepped in yuck” during the holiday season? I guarantee most of us have. I’m not referring to a rotten banana peel, a chewed-up piece of gum, or some far grosser substance on the ground. I’m talking about stepping into a yucky attitude. Been there, done that, right?

The holidays are touted up as being “the most wonderful time of the year”, but all it takes is for one person to step in yuck, and chaos quickly ensues. Oftentimes, it’s the stressed-out lady in the kitchen who steps in it first. We’ve all heard the expression, “if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”…the Bible affirms this unfortunate reality. (Proverbs 21:19; 14:1) Women have a powerful influence over their family’s emotions, and we can choose whether to build up or tear down our homes by our attitudes.

Thanksgiving is meant to be a time of giving thanks for all the many blessings that we have in Christ. However, when we allow ourselves to get stuck in yuck, I’m afraid we are only thankful in theory. Our words are saying “thank you”, but our actions prove otherwise.

So what’ll it be, Ladies? What kind of wife and mother will you be this Thanksgiving 2019? The way I see it, there are two choices. Would you prefer to be…

Thanksgiving dinner’s sad and thankless. Christmas dinner’s dark and blue. When you stop and try to see it from the turkey’s point of view.

– Shel Silverstein

A step-by-step guide for the aspiring turkey:

Step 1: Stay up too late on Thanksgiving Eve.
If you want to be a tired out turkey this Thanksgiving, make sure not to get an adequate amount of rest the night before. Make sure all of your prepping is done last minute so that you feel completely overwhelmed and unprepared for the task before you. (Extra points if you stay up all night!)

Step 2: Stress out over every single detail.
If you want to be a tired out turkey this Thanksgiving, demand perfection. Your husband began thawing the turkey an hour later than necessary? Freak out. Your child mixed up the forks and spoons when setting the table? Freak out. You misplaced your Great Aunt’s heirloom gravy dish and were forced to use something else? Freak out. Nothing shows thankfulness like a good old fashioned pity party.

Step 3: Stick to your expectations at all costs.
If you want to be a tired out turkey this Thanksgiving, idolize your expectations. If you have a plan for how the day will look, follow that plan to the letter. Do not allow anything to get in the way of your ideal schedule, including your husband and children. Allow yourself to lash out in anger if when something inevitably goes awry.

Step 4: Stew over any and all grievances.
If you want to be a tired out turkey this Thanksgiving, hold on to your frustrations for dear life. If someone in the family ruffles your feathers, don’t let that go! Milk it as long as possible and let everyone know just how put off you are. After all, since they upset your Thanksgiving, it’s only fair to upset theirs right back!

Step 5: Stop focusing on what the day is about.
If you want to be a tired out turkey this Thanksgiving, make the holiday more worldly than spiritual. Focus on your wants, first and foremost. How much you want to enjoy the feast, how good you want to look to company with your lavish setup, the good time you want to have. As long as you say one thing you are thankful for, it will erase all the selfishness of the day.

And there you have it, Friends! As long as you follow this simple five step program, you will be a tired out turkey for sure. I’ll even let you in on a little secret…faithfully following even one of these five steps will help you achieve the desired results!

Now…tongue-in-cheek language aside, surely this is not the wife and mother you want to be this Thanksgiving. Yet it can quickly happen to any of us if we allow ourselves to step in yuck. Watch your step, Ladies! Don’t allow your idea of a grand Thanksgiving to become a stumbling block to you…it’s not worth it:

Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting and strife. – Proverbs 17:1 (NASB)

Instead of being a tired out turkey this Thanksgiving, wouldn’t you rather be…

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin. God picks you from the patch and brings you in. Then He washes all of the dirt off of you. He opens you up and scoops out all of the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed. Then he carves you a new smiling face. He puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see.

– Unknown

A step-by-step guide for the aspiring pumpkin:

Step 1: Get the rest that your soma, soul, and spirit needs.
If you want to be a pepped up pumpkin this Thanksgiving, take care of yourself beforehand by getting an appropriate amount of sleep. Prepare for the big day as much as you can in the days leading up to it, but don’t panic if you have to let some things fall by the wayside in order to turn in for the night. If you run out of time, call it a loss and keep moving right along. A meal is not a life-or-death situation, and a side dish is not worth your sanity.

Step 2: Give grace to yourself and others.
If you want to be a pepped up pumpkin this Thanksgiving, calm your spirit. So he was a little late in thawing out the turkey, big deal. It will be that much more delicious after the wait. Honor your man and bite your tongue. So the silverware’s a little wonky, big deal. Show your child the way you want it done, fix it yourself, or roll with it. So you had to use a different gravy dish, big deal. Be thankful you have gravy, and determine to have your Great Aunt’s heirloom dish in its place next year. Peace reigns when we learn to roll with the punches.

Step 3: Grin and bear the setbacks.
If you want to be a pepped up pumpkin this Thanksgiving, have a sense of humor. Life rarely works out the way we think it will, even on a day-to-day basis. Be flexible and don’t lose heart if something in the day doesn’t go as planned. A child gets sick…people show up late…no one’s interested in the family game you picked out…these little disturbances are all part of life. Lower those expectations and enjoy the day for what it is; not what you had hoped it would be.

Step 4: Grow a backbone.
If you want to be a pepped up pumpkin this Thanksgiving, come equipped with a forgiving heart. It’s almost inevitable that someone will rub you the wrong way at some point during the holiday. Whether it’s your husband that insulted your green bean casserole, your overbearing uncle who wants to argue politics, or your moody teenage daughter who is giving you the cold shoulder; let it go. Don’t take everything so personally and choose to act out in anger. Be the blessing you wish others would be to you; be like Jesus.

Step 5: Guide the way to thankfulness.
If you want to be a pepped up pumpkin this Thanksgiving, remember why you are celebrating in the first place. Sure, we all like the delicious food, the beautiful decor, and the chance to gather for a special occasion with loved ones. Yet in and of themselves, these things are quickly fleeting. True meaning is given to the occasion only when viewed through the lens of a thankful heart towards the Lord. Teach this to your children, and emulate it in a submissive spirit towards your husband. Make the day count.

A pumpkin of a woman can turn even the most humble Thanksgiving table to a feast of blessing with her cheerful and lovely disposition. How much better Thanksgiving (and our lives) will be if we all aspire each and every day to be pumpkins rather than turkeys!

Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith. – Proverbs 15:17

In conclusion…

Let each and every one of us commit to being thankful people this year. Not only thankful in theory, but truly thankful in word and in deed. Let us watch our steps carefully so we don’t go “stepping in yuck” this holiday season. Remember, we want to be pumpkins, not turkeys. Let us keep these words ever before our minds so we remember what’s truly important:

Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. – Proverbs 15:16

For God’s Glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.