Destress the Damsel

“A farmer was driving his wagon along a miry country road after a heavy rain. The horses could hardly drag the load through the deep mud, and at last came to a standstill when one of the wheels sank to the hub in a rut.

The farmer climbed down from his seat and stood beside the wagon looking at it but without making the least effort to get it out of the rut. All he did was to curse his bad luck and call loudly on Hercules to come to his aid. Then, it is said, Hercules really did appear, saying:

‘Put your shoulder to the wheel, man, and urge on your horses. Do you think you can move the wagon by simply looking at it and whining about it? Hercules will not help unless you make some effort to help yourself.’

And when the farmer put his shoulder to the wheel and urged on the horses, the wagon moved very readily, and soon the Farmer was riding along in great content and with a good lesson learned.

Moral: Heaven helps those who help themselves.

– “Hercules & the Wagoner”, a fable of Aesop

This fable is clearly rooted in Greek mythology and not Christianity. We can see the evidence when the farmer calls out to the false god, Hercules, rather than to the one true God, Jehovah. Even so, there is an important Christian message we can glean from it, and that is, “practice what you pray!” The fabled farmer could not rid himself of his problem by observing it. He could not rid himself of his problem by complaining about it. Nor could he even rid himself of his problem by praying about it. It wasn’t until he put his hands to the plow, thus linking hands with his god, that he saw his problem begin to vanish. We must practice what we pray, lest our words be in vain…and furthermore an insult to our Maker.

Do you sometimes feel as if your prayers are falling on deaf ears? Do you cry out to God in the midst of problems, yet see no results? Do you long to know that your Father in Heaven is even giving your requests a second thought?

Today, I want to present three aspects that are absolutely vital to prayer. While implementing these three practices will not guarantee your right to receive every circumstance for which you pray (after all, God is not a genie in a bottle to obey our every whim; and He sees the big picture that our pea-sized human brains can not), I can guarantee that your walk with the Lord will be so radically changed for the better by means of your prayer life, that you will be content whether He answers your prayer with a “yes”, a “no”, or a “not yet”. You will know with each and every prayer that He has heard your case, and that will be enough.

  1. If you want to be heard of the Lord, you must…

A tavern was being built in a town that until recently had been dry. A group of Christians in a certain church opposed this and began an all-night prayer meeting, asking God to intervene. Lightning struck the tavern building, and it burned to the ground. The owner brought a lawsuit against the church, claiming they were responsible. The Christians hired a lawyer, claiming they were not responsible. The judge said, “No matter how this case comes out, one thing is clear. The tavern owner believes in prayer and the Christians do not.

– Illustrations for Biblical Preaching, edited by Michael P. Green; entry #1020

Are you ardent in your prayer life? That is, are you passionate and sincere when you pray, believing that the Lord can and will answer your prayer favorably if it is His will? Or are you, like the Christians in the above illustration, merely throwing words at God without really trusting in His ability to bring them to pass? The book of James warns us about this latter kind of prayer. James says that we must:

“…ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything of the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” – James 1:6-8

It is important to remember that, while we do not see Him presently, our Heavenly Father is alive and sentient. Do you remember asking questions into those magic eight balls as a kid, back in the day? Your attitude most likely was this: you figured it was worth a shot, but you didn’t put a lot of stock into getting any real answers. Praying shouldn’t be like that. When we pray, we are conversing with Someone who is active, alert, and attentive.

If you lack ardency in your prayers, the root cause is likely feelings of doubt. The remedy for doubt is faith, which is built by hearing God’s word. (Romans 10:17) It may sound cliché, but getting into the Bible is truly the best way to combat feelings of doubt in your life. In the same way that a wife may look to texts/emails/letters from her husband to solidify her faith in her husband’s love; so may a Christian look to letters from God to solidify their faith in their Father’s love. This, among other faith-building habits (i.e. faithful worship and fellowship with God’s people, listening to sermons on scientific and historic evidence of our Creator, etc.) will bring life and authenticity to your conversations with God.

Be ardent in prayer…practice what you pray!

2. If you want to be heard of the Lord, you must…

It is not well for a man to pray cream and live skim milk.

– Henry Ward Beecher, Proverbs From Plymouth Pulpit (1887)

Prayer is not a substitute for work, thinking, watching, suffering, or giving; prayer is a support for all other efforts.

– George Buttrick, quoted in Quote Unquote by Lloyd Cory

Are you active in your prayer life? That is, do you make every effort (in your power) to partner with God in bringing what you have prayed for to fruition? Or are you taking a load off, expecting the Lord to entertain your requests single-handedly? Nehemiah is a great biblical example of a man who was active in prayer. This namesake book begins with Nehemiah receiving the disheartening news of the state of decay in Jerusalem. He said:

When I heard these words, I sat down and wept and mourned for days; and I was fasting and praying before the God of heaven. – Nehemiah 1:4

Now stay tuned…Nehemiah didn’t simply say his prayers and leave the rest in God’s hands. No, you know the story – he got off his knees and got to work. Listen to his voice of action:

The God of heaven will give us success; therefore we His servants will arise and build… – Nehemiah 2:20a

The Lord doesn’t take the prayers of an inactive person seriously. Like any good and wise father, He is more than willing to work alongside us, but He is not willing to do all the work for us. (Incapacitating circumstances excepting, of course) If we are not willing to act, we can not expect God to act on our behalf.

If you lack activity in your prayers, the root cause is likely a too mystical view of God. Verses such as the famous “ask, seek, knock” passage, when misunderstood, may give us a false sense that anything we pray for will be granted like a magic wish in a fairy tale. This is simply not the case. If we pray for a paycheck, we best be applying for a job. If we pray for a child, we best be laying off the contraceptives. If we pray for a transformed spirit, we best be renewing our mind. The Lord will not defy the laws of nature or common sense to answer our requests, but He will look with favor on us when we put our hand to the plow…and He may even lend us one of His own.

Be active in prayer…practice what you pray!

3. If you want to be heard of the Lord, you must…

A father related that during their family time each person was going to pray for one person. His son prayed to ask God to help his friend Eddie be better at school because he was so bad. When they got together the next week, the father asked his son if he was going to pray for Eddie again. “No,” the son replied, “I prayed for Eddie last week and he is still bad.”

– Illustrations for Biblical Preaching, edited by Michael P. Green; entry #1037

Are you again in your prayer life? That is, do you keep returning to the Lord over and over with your need until a) your prayer is answered, or b) He has opened your eyes to an alternative path? Or, like the little boy in the above illustration, do you give up when you don’t see results on your timetable? Jesus exhorted His disciples to be persistent in their prayers:

Then He said to them, Suppose one of you has a friend, and goes to him at midnight and says to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine has come to me from a journey, and I have nothing to set before him’ ; and from inside he answers and says, ‘Do not bother me; the door has already been shut and my children and I are in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything,’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs. So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. – Luke 11:5-8

I have always been thankful for this unusual parable. While my own sensibilities would presume it to be disrespectful to keep “bugging” the Lord, as it were, here we have Jesus Himself giving us permission and admonition to “bug away” – wow! God in Heaven can be moved by the persistence of men.

If you lack continuity in your prayers, the root cause is likely impatience. The more we want something, the more likely we are to lose patience waiting for it. But shouldn’t it be just the opposite? If you want whatever you are praying for so badly, can you not show the Father your sincerity by waiting – looking fervently for His favorable answer and not giving up? Remember that His ways are higher than our ways – there is likely good reason the Lord is making you wait. Namely, growing you and refining you – for patience is a perfecter. (James 1:4) Keep your eyes on the prize.

Be again in prayer…practice what you pray!

In conclusion…

Remember the farmer at the beginning of our lesson who got his wagon stuck in the mud? Maybe you are dealing with a problem in your life that has you feeling just as hopeless and stuck. You’ve looked at your problem, you’ve whined about it, you’ve prayed about it…but stuck you have stayed.

Have you gotten out of the wagon and started pushing yet?

Be ardent in prayer…believe wholeheartedly that God can help you.
Be active in prayer…partner with God in the work that needs to be done.
Be again in prayer…persist to the end and don’t ever stop talking to God.

Practice what you pray, because as the saying goes…

Heaven helps those who help themselves. (Aesop)

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

My big brother will git you fer that,
He’ll shine up your eye and he’ll step on your hat:
You’d better watch out in the mornin’, for he
Will be lookin’ fer you, jes’ for pickin’ on me.
You can slap me an’ cuff me
An’ bully and bluff me,
But I ain’t alone in this world,
There’s another
That you’ve got to meet
When you’re out on the street
Who will fix you for certain, an’ that’s my big brother.

My big brother can clean up with two
Or sixteen or eighteen big cowards like you!
An’ you’d better be careful, coz when he’s around
With only one hand he’ll knock you to the ground.
When I tell what you did
He’ll say, ‘That’s all right, kid,
I’ll just send him bawling back home to his mother.’
If you’re looking for fight
You will get it alright
The very next time that you meet my big brother.

‘My big brother!’ I heard it to-day as I passed down the street,
And it brought back to me many memories sweet
Of the days long ago when my big brother, too,
Did for me what he threatened his brother would do.
When he finished my fights,
And he stood for my rights,
With a strength I believed that no rival could smother,
And I chuckled with joy,
And I thought: ‘Lucky boy!’
For I know what it means to possess a big brother.

– “My Big Brother” by Edgar Albert Guest

Perhaps you have a big brother. Perhaps you are a big brother. Perhaps you wish you had a big brother. Whatever the case may be – whether you have firsthand experience with older brothers or are on the outside looking in – most of us would agree that a big brother is a handy guy to have around!

As Edgar Guest pointed out in his down-to-earth poetry style, a big brother is (or ought to be) someone you can always count on to have your back. Unfortunately, some big brothers don’t fit the bill. Some big brothers treat their younger siblings with contempt…sometimes ignoring them, sometimes picking on them, sometimes manipulating them…using their status of “big brother” to elevate themselves and thus demote their younger siblings. A big brother like that is one we can all do without.

Even if you had a less-than-stellar big brother, we know that there are big brothers out there who would give an arm for you. Today, we are going to talk about such a one. Romans 8:29 hints about a certain someone who is our “firstborn brother” – that is, Jesus Christ. Can you think of a better big brother than our Lord and Savior?! We as Christians are blessed with The Best Big Brother a sibling could ask for. Let us muse over three ways that Jesus takes what we know about big brothers in the family unit to a whole new level.

  1. The Best Big Brother….

A great big brother is one who teaches his younger sibling(s) all he knows. You can find such a brother out on the court shooting baskets with his little brother. Teaching his kid sister how to win at chess every time. Letting them in on the secrets to his Mario Kart skills (well, some of them). He shows the little rugrats under his wing how to hit targets, pop wheelies, skip rocks, solve equations…and the list continues.

A great big brother doesn’t just teach his siblings how to succeed in the little things. He teaches them how to succeed at life. He shows his younger brother how to treat a lady. He makes sure his younger sister knows what kind of guy to avoid. He helps you with your friend troubles. He cheers you up when you’re feeling down. He gives great advice. Whatever problem you’re going through? He’s been there and done that “back when he was your age”. With such a big brother, you know there’s a practically endless supply of knowledge at your disposal…when he’s in the mood to share it!

The Best Big Brother certainly knows how to show you the game as well:

When Jesus went ashore, He saw a large crowd, and He felt compassion for them because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and He began to teach them many things. – Mark 6:34

Jesus is The Best Big Brother, because He shows you the game.

2. The Best Big Brother…

A great big brother is one who goes to bat for you…even when you’ve made a right fool of yourself. His attitude is “if you fall, I’m going down with you”. If Big Brother has any fault, he takes responsibility for the misdeeds of the collective group. If he bears no fault, he takes the role of defense attorney – persuading Dad and Mom to go easy on his little pal(s). After all, did he not once share in the juvenile plight of his sibling(s), with no one to go to bat for him?

A great big brother never lets you walk the “walk of shame” alone. Sure, he may think you were a big dummy for doing whatever it was you did, but do Dad and Mom really need to know that? He’ll give you a stern talking-to later, but the first priority is getting you out of the line of fire that is your parents’ wrath. With such a big brother, you know that you won’t be left alone to answer for yourself.

The Best Big Brother certainly knows how to share in the blame as well:

Therefore, He had to be made like unto His brethren in all things, so that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. – Hebrews 2:17

Jesus is The Best Big Brother, because He shares in the blame.

3. The Best Big Brother…

A great big brother is one who keeps the bullies at bay. Nobody better pick on his sibling(s) unless they want to feel his wrath! Any would-be assailants are sent running for the hills at the mere thought of contending with Big Bro.

A great big brother is a superhero in the eyes of his kid brother or sister. Got a battle? He’ll fight it for you. Got an enemy? He’ll send them packing. With such a big brother, you know you’ll be safe from harm’s way.

The Best Big Brother certainly knows how to shove off the gang as well:

And the great dragon was thrown down, the serpent of old who is called the devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him. Then I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night. – Revelation 12:9-10

Jesus is The Best Big Brother, because He shoves off the gang.

In conclusion…

Every one of you reading this article – from the only child to the member of a family full of brothers – has the opportunity to form a relationship with The Best Big Brother. Being Jesus’ little brother or sister has its perks: He will Show You The Game, He will Share In The Blame, and He will Shove Off The Gang. Metaphorically speaking, Jesus is The Best Big Brother. Literally speaking? He is all that and so much more, because…

There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. – Proverbs 18:24b

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

How to “Merry” A Married Man

by

I see you, focused, strong and healthy;
In satisfying abundance and very happy.
I see you growing in grace and knowledge;
Because life’s experience is the best college.
I see you maturing: fully and so complete;
Into a lovely woman and suitable helpmeet.
I see you, an imperfectly perfect vision;
Full of life, ambition and positive passion.
I see you, with a radiant smile and influence;
And an effervescence that makes a difference.
I see you, a woman of stature and virtue;
Full of dignity, and to whom praise is due.
I see you, with curves and features sexual;
Scintillatingly attractive: a stunning visual.
I see you as beautiful as you can ever become;
A woman: charming and full of compassion.

“I See You” By Dion O. Penville

Do you long for such words of admiration to be said of you? Do you yearn to have your man’s deepest affection and undivided attention? Do you wish to be the sole object of your husband’s every desire? If this sounds like you, I will let you in on a little secret: you need to learn how to “merry” a married man. (That’s *M-E-R-R-Y*, thank you very much, so you can go ahead and get your mind right out of that gutter!) If you can nail down the art of merrying your man, his heart will be yours to keep.

Sounds great, right? But how does a wife go about “merrying” her husband? And isn’t every husband unique in what he wants/needs from his wife? Well, yes and no.

Today, I will share with you the three basic ways to merry any man, regardless of race, color, creed, national origin, religion, et cetera, et cetera. Now be forewarned: you will not find relationship tips in this article such as, “put a secret love note in his lunchbox”, or, “tell him how special he is to you every day” and other such fluff. Honestly, those are tips on how to merry your female friends – this is men we’re talking about. You want to win a man, you’ve got to treat him like a man. If that’s not up your alley, you’ll probably want to stop reading right now.

Still with me? Clever girl. Without further ado…

Step #1 on How to “Merry” a Married Man:

It would be ludicrous to write an article about a man’s merriment without mention of priority numero uno: his sex life. A lot of marriages (even Christian marriages) are suffering for one glaring reason: women don’t understand, or seek to understand, the sexual needs of their man. I find it imperative to share with you this enlightening masculine perspective before I wrap up with some of my own feminine thoughts:

…if it were not for abundant testosterone and the sex drive that God put into men making them attracted to women for sex, I personally don’t believe that the vast majority of men would choose to have anything to do with women at all. Women are, in so many ways, different than men and are so confusing, emotional, irrational and so much trouble that without the sex drive, the vast majority of men would not give a woman the time of day. So, in essence, the thing that so many women despise about men is the only thing that draws them to you and gets them to marry you and provide for you and protect you in the first place!

…God made sex to bring a husband and wife together in body, soul, and spirit. Among other things, it is the magnet that draws and the glue that binds your husband to you. You women want to have a close and intimate “oneness” relationship with your husband? Sex is the path that God created to draw your man to you and bind the two of you together. Your husband not only has a physical NEED for sex (just like he needs to eat food and drink water to survive), he also has an emotional need for it. Both of these needs were God created so if you despise them, you are despising God.

– Portions of a comment by user “Trey” on article “Giving Men a Voice on Being Starved for Sex”. Full article/comment can be found at www.thetransformedwife.com

There you have it, straight from the horse’s mouth. I daresay any man who claims that sex is not of paramount significance to him is either a) lying through his teeth, b) afraid of facing the wrath of his wife by said admission, or c) called to a unique lifestyle of celibacy by the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:7). Bottom line, men are sexual beings.

My husband has often said, “sex is the key that opens the door to a man’s heart” and this couldn’t be more evidenced than by our marriage. It’s no secret that I wasn’t exactly my husband’s cup of tea when first we wed, but faithful daily sex (in time) forged between us a stronger bond than I could have dreamed of. We have been married more than eight years, and in my humble opinion, have the most splendid marriage. (This is not to say that we don’t struggle in other areas of life, as we most certainly do) I can truly say that my husband is my best friend and the love of my life, and I owe this in greatest measure to God’s perfect design of “two becoming one flesh”.

If you want to merry your man, your body is the key. Give your man your body, and he will give you his heart. There’s a reason it’s called “making love”…sex softens a husband’s heart and links him to his girl. (Pardon the pun) A glorious, one-flesh marriage is built when two individuals set all reservations aside and give their bodies to each other…unabashedly…every day. No hiding allowed. None of this lights off, pajama wearing, “I’m so nervous” charade. Men are attracted to a confident, sexy wife…he wants you. Your nakedness, your openness, your sensuality. You are one with your husband…own it. You won’t be sorry.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. – Genesis 2:24-25

Want to merry a married man? Merry His Anatomy!

Step #2 on How to “Merry” a Married Man:

Apart from a great sex life, a man longs for a woman that he can “do life” with. Are you involved and invested in your man’s activity – that is, his hobbies? I’m of the firm persuasion that a couple that plays together, stays together. Too many couples drift apart because they share few interests and are rarely together. She goes out, he stays in. He watches football, she browses Facebook. She loves socializing, he loves contemplating. He likes sci-fi, she likes chick flicks. The list could go on. The thing is, a marriage doesn’t have to include so much disconnect. Do you love your husband? Then it shouldn’t be hard to take an interest in the things that make him tick.

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.

– Friedrich Nietzsche

Since getting married, I have made it my mission to adapt to my husband’s interests. I have learned to enjoy what he enjoys and love what he loves! All it takes is an open heart and a willingness to get outside your comfort zone. Here are some examples from my own experience:

I used to have zero interest in Star Wars, but my husband loves it. We started watching the movies/shows together in timeline order some months ago, and now I am a bonafide Star Wars nerd. My recent obsession is sipping hot cocoa with my man and catching up on the latest episode of The Mandalorian!

I used to despise the flavor of pepperoni pizza. My husband finds it to be scrumptious. I started eating it with him, and now it has become one of my favorite kinds of pizza. Now we fight over who gets the last piece. (I kid!)

I used to be apathetic toward my appearance (I dressed like a schoolmarm, never did anything with my hair, didn’t know a thing about makeup, etc.). My husband enjoys being fashionable, and values having an attractive wife by his side. I revamped my wardrobe and started dolling myself up early on in our marriage, and now I *may* have a slight clothing, shoes, makeup, and hair product hoarding problem (oops)!

These examples serve to show that it really is attainable (and enjoyable) to join in your husband’s activity. As you determine to spend time with your man, enjoying whatever hobbies and interests he has, I guarantee it won’t be long until you find your own hobbies and interests aligning with his. Your husband should be your very best friend, and what woman takes no care for the interests of a friend?

…this is my beloved, and this is my friend… – Song of Solomon 5:16b

Want to merry a married man? Merry His Activity!

Step #3 on How to “Merry” a Married Man:

A woman may be an ethereal sex goddess, and she may spend every waking moment participating in her husband’s activities; but if she does not respect her man, he will be so revolted by her presence that she will not even be given the chance to let those qualities shine. Respect is to a man as love is to a woman…if a man is treated with disrespect long enough, his reaction will be to withdraw into isolation from the offender…namely, his wife. If you allow such a wedge to form in your union, it will be hard to win him back.

Do you respect your husband’s authority?

Here are some practical questions you might ask yourself, which will allow you to see where there may be disrespect in your marriage:

Maybe none of these examples apply to you. However, even if you are not actively disrespecting your man, are you actively respecting him?

God commands a wife to respect her husband. This word means to hold in high esteem, to lift up. It’s closely connected with the word “reverence.” Ladies, what your husband needs and craves from you more than anything else is respect. While you love to hear, “I love you,” we men want and need to hear, “I respect you.”

– Tony Evans, For Married Women Only: Three Principles for Honoring Your Husband

Do you praise your husband to his children and to others? Do you listen intently to the words that he says? Do you trust his ability to make sound decisions…not only in large matters, but in the small choices of everyday life? Do you allow him to be the spokesperson for your family, while you humbly take on a more behind-the-scenes approach? Such examples as these speak volumes to your husband of your respect, and will render you a queen in his eyes.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. – Ephesians 5:22-24

Want to merry a married man? Merry His Authority!

In conclusion…

Did you notice that the three ways to merry your man coincide with the threefold aspects of his human makeup? When you merry your man’s anatomy, you are taking care of him somatically (remember, soma = body). When you merry his activity, you are taking care of him soulishly. When you merry his authority, you are taking care of him spiritually. If you learn to thrive in these three areas for your husband, you will forge an unbreakable bond with him. You will be united as one in soma, soul and spirit forever. Fairy tale endings really do exist – but only for those who are willing to work for them. Now, you know what you need to do. Put down your phone…and get out there and merry your married man!

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. – – Proverbs 31:12

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.