“Aint no man gonna change me”
“I refuse to be a doormat”
“Obey my husband…? I’m not a child!”
I would like to say that I copied these quotes from a satirical narrative entitled “How To Be As Difficult As Possible (and other bad advice for women)”, but…that wouldn’t be true.
The fact is, I have heard every single one of these phrases (and ones like them), by women who claim to be christian wives. The world tells us that male bashing is just “being an independent woman”, but do you know what the real name is? Sinful rebellion.
Whether we like to admit it or not, a wife who has a negative viewpoint toward her husband is not in good standing with her Maker. Marriage is a reflection of Christ and His church. (Ephesians 5:22-23) We can either reflect our love and faithfulness to God by demonstrating love and faithfulness to our husbands, OR we can reflect our disdain and disgust towards God by demonstrating disdain and disgust to our husbands. We can claim all day long that we have love for God, but the truth of the matter remains that we can not honor God while we dishonor our husbands. Our husbands are to be to us as God in the flesh, and we can not both love and hate God at the same time.
Maybe you are stumbling in the dark in your marriage. Take heart! We can know God’s will by following the pattern set forth in His Word. We can have God-honoring, joy-filled marriages if we will just be what we were made to be! Yet if we rebel against the pattern, our marriages will never be truly satisfying and rather be filled with conflict. Which type of marriage do you prefer?
If you a married woman, or even a single woman who hopes to someday be married…do not miss today’s message.
You need to be made aware of seven negative viewpoints that have no place in the heart of a christian wife.
1. I Will (Not) Be Changed By Him
– The world tells us to think: “I am who I am, and I am enough”.
The christian wife knows that she is a work in progress.
She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.
She is clay in his hands to be molded to his liking.
She will adapt to his needs, because she belongs to him. She is not her own.
This means that the way she speaks, dresses, wears her hair, does her make-up, etc. will be according to his preference.
Woe unto him that striveth with his potter! … Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou? … (Excerpt from Isaiah 45:9)
2. I Will (Not) Pursue Him
– The world tells us to think: “If he wants me, he has to put forth the effort. I’m the prize!”
The christian wife knows that it is her job to seek out her husband.
She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.
She shows her diligence and the severity of her love by chasing after him.
She swallows her pride, because she belongs to him. She is not her own.
This means that she will not be ashamed to reach her hand out for his. She will say she loves him even if he hasn’t told her lately. She will compliment him even if he criticizes her.
Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his face continually. (1 Chronicles 16:11)
3. I Will (Not) Respond To Him
– The world tells us to think: “It’s okay to say no. My body, my choice!”
The christian wife knows that her body is not her own.
She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.
She is always available to her husband’s sexual needs, whether it is morning or night, whether she is “in the mood” or not, and she never, ever makes him “earn” it.
She is at his beck and call, because she belongs to him. She is not her own.
This means no excuses, no promises of another day, no rejection!
I beseech you…present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your *reasonable service. (excerpt from Romans 12:1) [reasonable = it’s not asking too much!]
4. I Will (Not) Put Him First
– The world tells us to think: “I should come first. I deserve to be pampered!”
The christian wife knows that her man is to be number one in her world.
She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.
She puts him first, her children second, everyone else third, and herself last.
She desires him above all, because she belongs to him. She is not her own.
This means desiring his presence above that of any other, doing the activities that he likes just to be near him, and loving him wholeheartedly.
Moreover, because I have set my affection to the house of my God, I have of mine own proper good… (1 Chronicles 29:3a)
5. I Will (Not) Be Like Him
– The world tells us to think: “Boys will be boys. He has his interests and I have mine.”
The christian wife knows that it pleases her man to see her take interest in his hobbies.
She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.
She immerses herself into his music, his style, his culture, and his favorite things.
She wants to be active in his world because she belongs to him. She is not her own.
This means she won’t balk at watching the sports she couldn’t care less about, she won’t roll her eyes at the things that make him laugh, and she won’t mock his way of doing things.
Therefore I exhort you, be imitators of me. (1 Corinthians 4:16 NASB)
6. I Will (Not) Praise Him
– The world tells us to think: “I’m the one who does it all. I should get the praise!”
The christian wife knows that she is to be but a shadow of her husband’s glory.
She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.
She steps out of the spotlight and directs the honor towards him.
She is comfortable taking the back seat, because she belongs to him. She is not her own.
This means not only refraining from disrespectful speech about her husband, but looking for ways to talk about how wonderful he is. It is about presenting him as his best for all to see.
I will speak of the glorious honour of thy majesty, and of thy wondrous works. And men shall speak of the might of thy terrible acts: and I will declare thy greatness. (Psalm 145:5-6)
7. I Will (Not) Be His Servant
– The world tells us to think: “He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself. I deserve a break”
The christian wife knows that shirking her duties is not an option.
She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.
She is attentive to his explicit directions and obeys them without complaint.
She delights in doing his bidding, for she belongs to him. She is not her own.
This means she sets aside the urge to ask “why”. She accepts that he knows what he’s doing in any situation, and even if he doesn’t, she does the right thing by yielding to his wishes.
Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work. (John 4:34)
Did you know that your attitude towards your husband is a direct reflection of your attitude towards The Lord?
Did you know that if you do not respect the authority that The Lord placed over you, it shows that you do not respect The Lord?
Did you know that if we wives do not love our husbands, then we do not love The Lord?
I want you to go back and re-read the seven points again. I want you to recognize that the “Him” I speak of in every numbered item is not only your husband….but what you inevitably voice towards God. Allow me to be very frank: if you hold any of these negative viewpoints towards your husband, it is one and the same as the viewpoint you hold to your Maker. If we want to be truly regenerated in our hearts, we must start viewing our men in a different light. When we read our scriptures, we must note that what the words have to say in regards to God are the ways we need to behold our husbands; (and vice versa, in the ways above that we are defrauding our husbands, we are aiming our darts at God.)
- Do you let God/your husband change you?
- Do you pursue God/your husband?
- Do you respond to God/your husband?
- Do you put God/your husband first?
- Do you aim to be like God/your husband?
- Do you praise God/your husband?
- Are you God’s/your husband’s servant?
If not, what are you waiting for? Today is the day to repent of all the bitterness and poor choices of yesterday. Today is the day to focus your full attention on your God-given role. Today is the day to start venerating your husband and treating him as your king. Today is the day to stop saying “I will not“, and start saying “I will“!
A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4)
God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks
Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.
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