My glass shall not persuade me I am old, So long as youth and thou are of one date; But when in thee time’s furrows I behold, Then look I death my days should expiate. For all that beauty that doth cover thee, Is but the seemly raiment of my heart, Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me: How can I then be elder than thou art? O! therefore love, be of thyself so wary As I, not for myself, but for thee will; Bearing thy heart, which I will keep so chary As tender nurse her babe from faring ill. Presume not on thy heart when mine is slain, Thou gav’st me thine not to give back again.
– “Sonnet 22”, William Shakespeare
This year (2022) on August 17, marks 10 years of being in covenant with the one person who I find myself perfectly fitted to in soma, soul, and spirit – my man. Our wedding anniversary gives me the perfect “excuse” to talk about my favorite topic (marriage), and more specifically, My•Delightful May•December.
May-De•cem•ber /mā-də’sembər/ (adj.) Used to describe a romantic relationship in which one person is much younger than the other. The age of the younger person is likened to May, which marks the beginning of Spring, while the age of the older person is likened to December, which comes late in the year and marks the start of Winter.
I consider it a privilege to be married to a man who is, in every way, my superior…including in age. Being married to an older man has grown me in ways that (I strongly suspect) I would not have grown in had I married one closer to me in years. My older man has brought me from valleys to mountaintops, simply by observing him, learning from him, and being challenged daily by his invaluable mentorship.
Today’s topic is primarily for the single ladies, though I hope it may prove to be an interesting read for all. For those of you looking for a husband, perhaps a bit of anecdotal evidence from my life may broaden your horizons and encourage you to look beyond your peers for the man who will head your home. Perhaps my experience will propel you to seek your man through the lens of hypergamy (the art of marrying up) which may indeed be the most rewarding choice you ever make, like My•Delightful May•December was, and is, for me.
[Disclaimer: I am strongly persuaded that all women ought to be shrewd in their choice of husband and “marry up”. A wise woman will seek a husband who is superior to her spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, physically, etc. It is naturally easier to serve under a superior man than it is to serve under a dud.
Now, are all older men superior? Are all younger men duds? Of course neither extreme is true. One would be foolish to marry a dud based on the fact that he is older, just as one would be foolish to pass up a younger man that is her superior.
There is absolute truth (with no exception to the rule), and then there is general wisdom (which can have exception). I intend to share the latter—a bit of general wisdom—with ladies in search of a husband. I believe that in many cases, marrying an older man will serve a young woman well…but not always. Not every May•December marriage is desirable. Not every marriage between peers (or of older women with younger men) is undesirable. Let my words not offend those unhappily married to older men or happily married to younger men. Take what is applicable to you, and discard the rest.]
Now without further ado, I wish to share with you three reasons why marrying my December has been most delightful…
A woman can take care of the family. It takes a man to provide structure, to provide stability.
– Tom DeLay
Are you in search of a husband? I implore you to find a man who is stable.
Older men tend to have more stability than their younger counterparts, because they’ve had more time to put down their roots…
Older men are seldom “all over the place”, chasing visionary ideas. They are more likely to have a clear view of what they want in life, and either a) already have it, or b) are on a determined path to get it.
Older men are often able to provide a good living for their families. They typically will have a steady job, a place to call home, and some money set aside for emergency.
Older men are, in general, less apt to uproot their wives and children (unless dire circumstances call for such). They usually know a good thing when they have it, and are aware that throwing away a comfortable lifestyle would be foolish.
If you desire a man who is financially able to provide for his wife and children, a man who knows what he wants out of life and how to get it, a man who is firmly established…don’t overlook a December. An older man just may fit the bill and offer you the utmost stability. I thank God that my December is stable.
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. – 1 Timothy 5:8
Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men. – Proverbs 22:29
Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us sorry but wise.
– H.G. Wells
Are you in search of a husband? I implore you to find a man who is sober.
Older men tend to have more sobriety than their younger counterparts, because they’ve had more time to live through character-building trials…
Older men are seldom “goof-offs”, viewing life as a practical joke. They are more likely to take matters seriously, for they have learned that the world is not always kind.
Older men are often the wise counselors in their wives and children’s ears. They typically have already gone through whatever their families are just now encountering in life, and can show them the right path in which to go (maybe even teaching them to avoid mistakes he made in his youth).
Older men are, in general, armed with emotional maturity. They usually give no heed to quarreling, head-games, or manipulation. Levelheadedness keeps them in check, and convicts their wives and children to do the same. An older man does not stoop to immaturity, but lifts others to his level.
If you desire a man who takes life seriously, a man who is a fount of sage wisdom and life-lessons, a man who has the maturity and horse-power to take his wife and children in hand…don’t overlook a December. An older man just may fit the bill and offer you the utmost sobriety. I thank God that my December is sober.
Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance. – Titus 2:2
The glory of young men is their strength, and the honor of old men is their gray hair. – Proverbs 20:29
I should say sincerity, a deep, great, genuine sincerity, is the first characteristic of all men in any way heroic.
– Thomas Carlyle,On Heroes, Hero-Worship and the Heroic in History (1841)
Are you in search of a husband? I implore you to find a man who is sincere.
Older men tend to have more sincerity than their younger counterparts, because they’ve had more time to determine what is truly important in life…
Older men are seldom out “sowing their wild oats”, a slave to their vices. They are more likely to have realized the emptiness of drug/alcohol addiction, reckless spending, and sex devoid of commitment.
Older men are often committed to settling down and being a one-woman-man. They typically have gotten a grasp on self-control and thus are more able to resist temptation to stray from the marriage bed. An older man is not so quick to cast aside a faithful union for a fling.
Older men are, in general, true to their word. They usually have a strong sense of integrity and believe honesty to be the best policy. An older man considers it a privilege to have a family who trusts in him, and is therefore determined not to let his wife and children down.
If you desire a man who rejects worldliness, a man who will look to you for all his sexual needs, a man who says what he means and means what he says…don’t overlook a December. An older man just may fit the bill and offer you the utmost sincerity. I thank God that my December is sincere.
Many a man proclaims his own loyalty, but who can find a trustworthy man? – Proverbs 20:6
He who walks righteously and speaks with sincerity…he will dwell on the heights, his refuge will be the impregnable rock; his bread will be given him, his water will be sure. Your eyes will see the King in his beauty; they will behold a far-distant land. – Isaiah 33:15a,16-17
In conclusion…
If you, eligible lady, are looking for a man armed with stability, sobriety, and sincerity, I highly recommend finding yourself an older man…a delightful December.
If you, declared lady, are wondering where you fit into this article, I will give you the same advice I give all wives. Love your man (Titus 2:4). Subject yourself to him (Ephesians 5:22; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5). Respect him (Ephesians 5:33b). Be a crown to him (Proverbs 12:4). Do him good all the days of your life (Proverbs 31:12). Submit to him (1 Peter 3:1,5). Obey him (1 Peter 3:6). Whether he is older, younger, or the same age as you, God’s perfect design for wives is universal – be a help meet for your man! Should your man not be stable, sober, and sincere? Work on winning him without a word: with your chaste and respectful behavior, and with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God (1 Peter 3:1-4). Cultivate this biblical womanliness, and over time you just may see a delightful December appear before your very eyes. (But if not? Do what is right just the same…this is the Christian way. Pray for God’s hand with your marriage – He is our very present help in times of trouble.)
Back to the single gals…I strongly encourage you to marry up. You will be doing yourself a great service if you find a high-caliber man, making your burden as a help meet so very light. Is marrying an older man the best way for you to marry up? Maybe…it certainly was for me. I would be remiss not to recommend to you the unique joy of a May•December marriage. Like Abraham & Sarah, and Boaz & Ruth before me, I have found great success in My•Delightful May•December. Perhaps you will find the same.
May you be blessed of the Lord, my daughter. You have shown your last kindness to be better than the first by not going after young men, whether poor or rich. – Ruth 3:10b
For God’s glory, Mrs. Dustin Bolks
Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.
Your diet is not only what you eat. It’s what you watch, what you listen to, what you read, the people you hang around… be mindful of the things you put into your body emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
– @tinybuddha (Twitter User)
You know what they say: you are what you eat! What we take in is ultimately what we become. Just as eating a constant flow of junk food is going to leave you feeling and looking poorly, so also will any constant flow of junk leave its negative mark on the mind. If your thoughts are junky, you are going to be left with junky feelings. If your feelings are junky, you are going to be left with junky behavior. If your behavior is junky, you are going to be left with a junky relationship with God and others. If your relationship with God and others is junky, you are going to be left with a junky life. Junk breeds junk. What you consume eventually consumes you. You are what you eat.
What are you consuming in your daily life? Let’s pretend your noggin is your tummy. Are you nourishing it? Is that noggin being filled with nutritious input that is serving to better your health? Are you filling up on nutrient-dense goodies, or nutrient-deficient garbage? Christian women are called to be sensible. (Titus 2:4) Being “sensible” (Greek = sophron) is to be “sane”, “self-controlled”, and of a “sound mind”. This places a heavy importance on the health and wellness of our thought lives.
Today, we will examine the “eating habits” of a well-nourished mind. I am going to be deriving my outline from “The Latin American Laws of Correct Nutrition” proposed by Dr. Pedro Escudero in 1935. Dr. Escudero’s proposal consists of four laws for healthy eating, which we will use to formulate a healthful “diet” for our minds. Law #1 is…
…which states that the amount of energy the body demands should be the amount consumed.
The amount of food should be sufficient to meet the caloric needs of the body and to maintain caloric balance. Caloric balance means that the amount of calories consumed during the day should be equal to those expended.
Any food regime that accomplishes this law is considered as sufficient. If it does not cover the caloric requirements for balance, it is insufficient, and if the intake exceeds the needs, it is considered excessive.
Physically speaking, we expend some energy each and every day. The amount of energy expended varies, however, and thus our caloric needs vary. (i.e. If you spend all day outdoors digging your garden, your body is going to demand a bigger meal than a day that you spend curled up on the couch with a book). On restful days, a light or even skipped meal might be appropriate. On busy days, a light or skipped meal might be foolhardy. We must take daily workloads into account to ensure a sufficient diet.
Throughout each day, we expend mental energy just as we do physical energy. Some days are stressful and taxing, others are peaceful and light. Our thought lives should reflect the mental energy expended.
If you find yourself at odds with your husband, you must remind yourself of your place in the home and your irrevocable love for him. Pray for him. Read a past love letter he wrote for you. Brainstorm on ways you can serve him in a spirit of quiet gentility. The last thing you ought to do is to stew on negative thoughts, which only serve to give Satan a foothold in your marriage. Remember your vows and live them.
If you have a stressful day with your kids, you must reinforce positive thoughts towards them in order to replace the mental energy you have exhausted. Pray for them. Watch a past video that makes you giggle. Soften your tone and your words towards them. Let no root of bitterness spring up within you. Remember your duty and fulfill it.
If you have been mistreated by a friend, you must soften your heart and choose higher ground. Pray for her. Examine yourself to be sure you are not a root cause of the issue. Either accept her flaws or gracefully bow out of the relationship…forgive her either way. Don’t stoop to low behavior, keep your dignity always intact. Remember your light and show it.
We do not have an endless supply of energy in the noggin any more than we do in the tummy. We must replenish our mental energy with a sufficient amount of healthy input. When you are weary: pray, remember the easy days to get you through the hard ones, and continue to serve others (which has the uncanny ability to fill up a depleted spirit). You are what you eat, so make sure your mind consumes a healthy quantity daily.
Feed me with the food that is my portion… – Proverbs 30:8b
Who then is the faithful and sensible slave whom his master put in charge of his household to give them their food at the proper time? Blessed is that slave whom his master finds so doing when he comes. – Matthew 24:45
Ask yourself: what is the proper quantity for me?
Law # 2 is…
…which states foods from all the food groups should be consumed.
A diet should be complete in composition to provide the body, which is an indivisible unit, with all substances that integrate it. This Law states that ingested food must contain nutrients of each food group.
Physically speaking, a quality body is attained through quality sustenance. Our bodies require a steady flow of vitamins and minerals to work efficiently. The previous nutritional law focused on getting the right amount of food, this law focuses simply on getting the right food. Food that is truly quality must be nutritious.
Every day, we have a choice in what our mind consumes. Will we consume junk food, or incorporate a nourishing diet? What will be the quality of our entertainment, our interactions, and our thought lives? Titus 2:4-5 lays out the God-breathed, quality diet for a woman’s nutritional needs. Consume these 7 “foods” to be one healthy lady:
Husband-loving is nutritious to a woman’s spirit. Are you consuming that which will help you to love your husband? (i.e. thinking well of him, bragging on him, desiring him above all others)
Children-loving is nutritious to a woman’s spirit. Are you consuming that which will help you to love your children? (i.e. training them, teaching them, patiently disciplining and discipling them)
Sensibility is nutritious to a woman’s spirit. Are you consuming that which will help you to be sensible? (i.e. cultivating positive thoughts, rejecting foolish emotions, grounding yourself in truth)
Purity is nutritious to a woman’s spirit. Are you consuming that which will help you to be pure? (i.e. reading/watching wholesome content, refraining from the rabbit hole of worldly curiosities, delighting in life’s innocent pleasures)
Home-working is nutritious to a woman’s spirit. Are you consuming that which will help you to work at home? (i.e. stretching your husband’s paycheck, denying any tendency toward laziness, honing your womanly skills)
Kindness is nutritious to a woman’s spirit. Are you consuming that which will help you to be kind? (i.e. speaking in gentle tones, considering others better than yourself, exhibiting a calm composure to those who treat you with contempt)
Husband-subjecting is nutritious to a woman’s spirit. Are you consuming that which will help you to subject to your husband? (i.e. learning what pleases him, adapting to him, deferring to him in all things?)
The books you read, the shows you watch, the music you listen to, the social media you scroll, the thoughts you think, the friends you count…all of these are shaping your mind to either become better or worse in these 7 characteristics. If that book, show, music, social media, thought, friend, etc. is not helping you to love your husband and children, to be sensible, pure, and kind, to work at home, and to subject yourself to your husband? Then it’s not healthy for you…it needs to go. You are what you eat, so make sure your mind consumes a healthy quality daily.
The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart. – Luke 6:45
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. – Luke 12:34
Ask yourself: what is the proper quality for me?
Law # 3 is…
…which highlights the need to keep a proper relation between the distributions of ingested nutrients.
The amounts of the various nutritional principles that integrate diet must maintain a relation of proportions between themselves. … Recommended intakes of the amounts of macronutrients may vary depending on the country or the approach followed by nutrition scientists, so the following distribution is proposed: 50-70% carbohydrates, 10-20% proteins, and 20-35% fats.
Any diet that fulfills this Law is considered harmonic or, more commonly, balanced. If the nutritional principles do not keep this proportionality, it is a disharmonic or unbalanced diet.
Physically speaking, we ought to consume a balanced variety of healthful foods each day. Too much of one food group and too little of another leads to nutritional deficiency. The previous nutritional laws focused on getting the right amount of food and the right food. This law focuses on getting the right combination of food.
Putting all our eggs in one basket (pardon the food pun) disadvantages the body and the mind alike. For example, carrots and bananas are both healthful food choices, but pursuing a diet of only carrots or only bananas is unbalanced and will leave you lacking in many of the vitamins and minerals your body needs. We want a harmonious diet for our bodies, and so too do we want a harmonious diet for our minds.
Reading your Bible is a good thing. However, if you are so consumed with your Bible reading that you neglect to serve others, you have become unbalanced. Read your Bible, but not to the neglect of service.
Playing with your children is a good thing. However, if you are so consumed with playing with your children that you neglect your marriage, you have become unbalanced. Play with your children, but not to the neglect of your husband.
Cleaning your house is a good thing. However, if you are so consumed with your housework that you neglect family time, you have become unbalanced. Clean your house, but not to the neglect of your loved ones.
A moderate lifestyle is key to a joyful existence. Fill your mind with a variety of healthy input; not too much of one thing and not too little of another. Keep your brain firing on all cylinders – learn how to love God and your husband more perfectly, learn how to be a better parent, learn to improve your homemaking skills – keep all of your duties in balance for a healthy, harmonious mind. You are what you eat, so make sure your mind consumes a healthy harmony daily.
Have you found honey? Eat only what you need, that you not have it in excess and vomit it. – Proverbs 25:16
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. – Philippians 4:8
Ask yourself: what is the proper harmony for me?
Law #4 is…
…which insists on adapting diet to the nutritional, social, and psychological needs of individuals.
The purpose of a diet depends on the needs of a particular user. The Law of Adequacy states that the ingested nutrients should be appropriate to the age, physical activity and physiological state of the individual.
When a diet meets these requirements, it is said to be adequate. When it is not fulfilled, the diet regimen is inadequate and unsuitable.
Physically speaking, a heavy, inactive, older individual and a lighter, active, younger individual should not be eating the same amount of food every day (as a general rule). It’s to the detriment of our society’s health that many eat to their heart’s content with no consideration of what is truly needful for them. A severe lack of self-control has led to an obesity epidemic, and those who are fit and eat modestly are becoming quite a rare sight. (On the other extreme, there are those who struggle with anorexia, or not eating enough food to meet their nutritional needs. However, one public outing in today’s world will reveal that obesity is the extreme far more common than that of anorexia.) Neither extreme is good.
Our minds should be neither starving for input, nor drunken on input. The anorexic mind and the obese mind are both unsightly and reveal an underlying health problem. We should seek to have an adequate diet for our mind; taking our own personal life reality into account.
A single woman would do well to invest some time into learning about how to be a loving, obedient wife (if marriage is on her agenda). To invest little to no time into learning about marriage is neglectful, for she will find herself unprepared and unequal to the task of being a wife should she become married. To invest the majority of her time into learning about marriage is obsessive, for she is not cultivating herself in other ways should a suitor never come calling for her.
A married woman would do well to invest some time into learning about how to be a caring, nurturing mother (if motherhood is on her agenda). To invest little to no time into learning about parenting is neglectful, for she will find herself unprepared and unequal to the task of being a mother should she become pregnant/adopt. To invest the majority of her time into learning about parenting is obsessive, for she is not cultivating herself in other ways should a cradle never be filled for her.
Godliness with contentment is great gain. Don’t reach for more or less than what is fit for your present station in life. Don’t starve yourself of knowledge, but don’t glut out on it either. Your unique needs and lifestyle may not look just like someone else’s, and that’s okay. You are what you eat, so make sure your mind consumes a healthy adequacy daily.
I gave you milk to drink, not solid food; for you were not yet able to receive it. – 1 Corinthians 1:2
O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; nor do I involve myself in great matters, or in things too difficult for me. – Psalms 131:1
Ask yourself: what is the proper adequacy for me?
In conclusion…
Are you nourishing your noggin with “food” that is the proper quantity, quality, harmony, and adequacy? Healthy food is essential to a healthy body. Likewise, healthy input is essential to a healthy mind. Your books, your shows, your music, your social media, your thoughts, your relationships…everything you allow into your mind is shaping you for better or for worse.
The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.
– Ann Wigmore
What you consume eventually consumes you. I exhort you to choose food that is good for you, because you are what you eat.
For God’s glory, Mrs. Dustin Bolks
ChasteBolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.
